Building work on Blackburn’s new bus station has ground to a halt again. The site has been likened to the aftermath of a nuclear explosion. Many people say it certainly looks like a bomb has hit it.
Dummy’s guide to Blackburn Bus Station
People may unwittingly be half right, but they haven’t realised our new bus station is actually being used in a top secret international experiment. This has been set up to find out if cockroaches really could survive a nuclear holocaust.
This was the result of a recent international summit to try and ease growing tension between the world’s nuclear nations. A deal was brokered between Presidents Obama and Putin, Chairman Xi Jinping and North Korea’s Kim Jong-un, by Indian multinational food and pharmaceutical company – Venky’s.
Unfortunately for Venky’s, experiments on animals are not seen as conducive to marketing trends in their native country. So it was suggested they invest their research finance, on this occasion, in one of their foreign offshoots. Their expert knowledge of Blackburn made them suggest the bus station development because of its proximity to the town centre. This building site also has an underground river and used to have two breweries nearby. Cockroaches are known to like beer and paved flooring, which also used to adorn the site.
It was suggested to leaders of the nuclear nations how a nuclear war would cost a lot of money and lead to destruction of not only the human race, but every other life form on this planet. Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un countered this by saying he believed cockroaches were the only species of life which could survive nuclear oblivion. This was lambasted by other world leaders as an unsubstantiated myth. So Mr Kim challenged the rest of the world to disprove his theory. This led to an agreement to conduct a scientific experiment.
Unfortunately for Blackburn’s bus users, world peace must come before work on their new bus station can be resumed.
Due to the top secret nature of this experiment, reporting restrictions cannot be lifted and the Official Secrets Act remains in place. So don’t expect any statements from the council or building contractors over building progress until the research has been concluded.