During a time of hibernation, dreams sometimes had their price. And so came the Snake Oil Salesman.
When the lockdown finally ends, many pubs could have gone bust. But one of the breweries may have its own answer.
Once upon a time in the north-west there came a traveller from even further northwest. He arrived in Blackburn by Shire horse and cart. He had a top hat on his head, a twinkle in his eye and he was a man with a plan. His name was Old Snake Oil Danny.
Old Danny looked at Blackburn and thought: ‘This is my kind of town’. Its populace gathered round his cart and he gave them his sales pitch. He said he patented a remarkable cure for every human ailment known to science. This was down to venom extracted from snakes living on a farm in Ireland. Now the people of Blackburn could reap these benefits of this wonder tonic. Maybe they could be cured of consumption, colic, common colds and Corona Virus.
This is what Danny was trying to do. He span them yarns of how his snake oil tonic could make men feel strong and tough and look more attractive to women. He told the girls his tonic would keep them slim and help them become a hit on the dance floor. It sounded too good to be true, but those good people of Blackburn swallowed it all and Danny became a rich man.
He had wealth, power and property. Even having such influence behind him where he could dictate to his customers what to do with property they bought from him. No doubt in another era he would have been able to claim a bride’s first night of wedlock, but there was no money there and Danny was too old anyway.
Eventually Old Danny tired of Blackburn, deciding he hated the place and was a country boy at heart. By now its townsfolk realised Danny was a charlatan and his snake oil was just quack medicine after all. Once he’d made his money, he realised he’d overstayed his welcome and it was time to get out of town. Soon Danny was gone. Blackburn didn’t matter to him anymore.
But like his grandfather clock pendulum, things were starting to swing and Old Danny was frightened he would swing with them. Moving to the countryside became one big self-isolation. He was less welcome there than he was in town. Things were compounded by Covid-19 arriving and everywhere going into lockdown. With pubs being shut until further notice, breweries were looking at other methods of shifting their produce. History could be repeating itself and Old Danny might have to dig out his horse and cart once again.
