Blackburn Rovers Indian owners, the Venky’s, are threatening to punish Rovers players for missing out on automatic promotion following their recent scoreless run.
Venky’s are threatening to force players to change their appearance and have basin haircuts. This is symbolic in their home state in India of a frugal and a pious lifestyle. Something they believe is severely lacking among today’s English footballers.
Inspiration for this originally came from an unusual historical source, namely the Bayeux Tapestry. English forces under King Harold tended to have beards and long hair. Whereas Norman soldiers under William the Conqueror were clean shaven and sported basin haircuts. This may have been an advantage to the Normans at the Battle of Hastings, giving William’s outnumbered forces a spectacular victory and leaving 1066 as one of few dates in history most people remember.
Things were going well for Rovers recently, with us vying for a top of the table finish. But things started going wrong as this new year took hold. Every team has a barren run at some stage and Rovers also had some bad injuries. But the way our momentum stopped gave cause for concern to Venky’s. With them not being schooled in association football, they looked at other aspects of what they perceived was going wrong at Rovers. India’s media is a fearsome place. Journalists there follow the old adage: ‘Never let truth get in the way of a good story’. Their tabloid press is forever running stories about decadence amongst footballers, especially in Europe. This may have clouded Venky’s judgement.
Venky’s study of the Bayeux Tapestry gave them a potted history of what was going on in England nearly a thousand years ago. Things were confusing in 1066. After all, we were still in the Dark Ages and the Venereal Bede wasn’t there any more to keep decent chronicles.
What we do know is Stamford Bridge was owned by a Roman. He did a runner when Vikings arrived to seize his land under a leader called Harald. This led Harold the Anglo-Saxon to go to Stamford Bridge and win a famous victory. So after Harold beat a bunch of Norsemen from Scandinavia, he fancied his chances against these Norsemen from France. Unfortunately for Harold, it meant a long march down to Hastings to confront Norman forces. This didn’t go down well with his soldiers. They were not only battle weary, but had a sense of foreboding when they saw Bill Haley’s comet on their way. It made them shake, rattle and roll.
Despite this happening so long ago, we all know the result. It was a home defeat and England’s manager was given the bullet, or rather in Harold’s case, it was an arrow. This event from medieval history proved to be an eye-opener for Venky’s as well as King Harold. They were particularly impressed with Norman discipline and appearance. They also went on to create their own coat of arms, in the Norman style. Plans for a castle may be in their pipeline too.
Under feudal Norman law, most people were owned along with land they inhabited. Venky’s see no reason why this shouldn’t apply across their realm today, including prized assets like footballers. Great changes could be on their way, including basin haircuts for players – Arte Et Labore!
