Following Barbara Castle’s bronze statue recently being erected in Blackburn town centre, speculation has been rife over whether something similar may be put up in memory of her successor.

Barbara Castle served as Labour MP for Blackburn from 1945 until 1979.  During her high profile career as a minister, she was involved in various important campaigns.  These included the Equal Pay Act, bringing in the breathalyser, seatbelts in in all new cars and rejuvenating Britain’s canals through greater leisure usage.

Jack Straw actually served longer as Blackburn’s MP than Barbara Castle.  He also held higher ministerial office than his predecessor, having been both Home and Foreign Secretary under Tony Blair.  But in comparison to ‘Battling Barbara’, it is often remarked how Jack Straw left his role as Blackburn MP without the same amount of affection as his predecessor.

Barbara Castle’s statue seems to have gone down well with a lot of people in Blackburn.  Along with WH Hornby representing Conservatives in the town and WE Gladstone for the Liberals, it could be said all three major parties are now equally represented by statues.  No doubt other political figures also have their admirers who would like to see statues put up in their honour.  But so far there have been no calls for a statue to be erected in honour of Jack Straw.

One of the problems here may be difficulties trying to find anybody prepared to put their hand in their pocket to raise the cost of a statue to Jack Straw.  Many of his former constituents probably feel he was well paid and could easily afford to pay for a memorial from his own finances.

Fortunately, a local farmer believes he might just have an answer to this problem.  He claims to have produced a scarecrow, appropriately called the Man of Straw, which bears an uncanny resemblance to Blackburn’s former MP.  He is prepared to let it go on show in Blackburn town centre once the harvest season is over and it’s done its job, scaring greedy birds away.

A suggestion has been made over where to place this farmer’s Man of Straw scarecrow.  Its temporary home would be on Church Street, outside Blackburn Market’s revolving door.  Here, members of the public and shoppers can be shown how easy it is to gain access to our market, giving them the benefit of spending a bit of cash – no questions asked!

A positive move could be afoot in Blackburn which may bring down electricity costs.  This would entail natural energy being harvested from Electric Eels.  An establishment in Blackburn is being set aside for generating that most valuable resource of them all – electricity.

Electric eels are usually found in South America’s Amazon and Orinoco rivers.  They are not really eels, but belong to a genus called Knifefish, which are related to Catfish.  Other members of this species can also generate natural electricity, but not in such high voltage amounts attributed to Electric Eels.  This creature can generate a charge powerful enough to kill large creatures, including human beings.  In the wild, they have been known to generate up to 860 volts and they can illuminate 40 watt lightbulbs under lab conditions.

Experiments have been carried out on electric eels, with sensors being attached to them, enabling measurement of current created by their impulses.  Other means will be tried to collect electricity from these eels by using pods which save these short bursts of electricity to specially adapted conductors.  This will be done by enticing these predators to attack a receptor which is disguised as their enemy, the Piranha Fish.  It uses an electrical process based on a discharge method created by Dr Frankenstein to give life to one of his patients.

Plans for this eel farm are being kept secret for now.  It is quite ironic how an old factory known as the fuse used to be located somewhere in Blackburn, but its whereabouts are still classified.  There are also plans to build a pipeline to this eel farm from a nearby catering establishment.  This will mean pigswill from here will be able to be pumped into feeder tanks, supplying these captive eels with fresh food.  After all, if one of these creatures can take out an Amazon Capybara, then eating yesterday’s leftover bangers and mash should be quite a treat for them.

One of those annoying problems with keeping eels is them eventually wanting to go back to the Sargasso Sea to breed.  But the fact Electric Eels are not real eels, means we won’t be subject to a state of panic by sightings of eight foot fish clambering over our fields and through Blackburn’s streets in their efforts to jump in our Rivers Blakewater or Darwen, while trying to get back to the Sargasso Sea.  This is because Electric Eels are really Knifefish and a different species altogether.

There has been resistance to this project from environmental groups, including negative comments.  Some bright sparks say farming Electric Eels is a shockingly cruel idea and should be grounded.  But its manager insists he is a down to earth person and really positive about this project.  He says he has live contacts who see many environmental and business rewards being provided for Blackburn, all at the flick of a switch.

Last month was when we had a partial lifting of the lockdown and could drink outside a pub.  This time we could go back inside.

My girlfriend had booked this week off.  But her dress rehearsal for today’s grand opening lasted well into today’s early hours.  So she was left sloshed up in bed when I set off down town at ten o’clock.  This was good timing; rain had been falling since my rising five hours earlier.  Not that rain was going to deter my trip out today.  Getting wet last month didn’t stop me much then.

In Blackburn town centre there looked to be more people about.  My port of call was the Postal Order, quashing daft rumours of it closing down.  It was like time had stopped still in here and this lockdown never really happened.  Usual faces were behind the bar and its usual suspects were also in the pub.  My first pint in here was a Golden Hobgoblin.  Blackburn’s own Doff Cocker was my next one.

It was a nice feeling being sat at a table in the Posty.  Despite images of barcodes and technology on my table and all over the place, I still filled in one of their slips of paper.  This gave my details and was good enough.  On previous visits, last year, my mobile phone was my usual way of entry into this place, although it could be a long wait until my phone picked up Wetherspoon’s WiFi and I figured out how to use their app.  No doubt it would be put into use again on future visits, especially with my allocation of CAMRA tokens arriving with my new membership card.

During April’s outside pub re-opening, the Sun, Charles Napier and Rock Box received visits from me.  After today’s couple in the Posty, it was this latter pub which was visited by me next.  A nice blond pint of Optimum was my first pint back inside the Rock Box.  A really good darker bitter was downed later, called D-Day Dodger, from Wigan’s Martland Brewery.

It was great to be back drinking inside Blackburn’s pubs again.  Even more so during our current autumnal Spring.  This year’s has been like a spring of another kind, one which spews from the ground and is wet.  But like the season, perhaps being allowed back inside pubs again will make us feel this lockdown is finally coming to an end and give us back this sunshine most of us have been longing for.