Due to the high proportion of young people playing for Blackburn Rovers, the club management have decided to install acne cream machines in the academy toilets.

The solution is in sachets and will be inside boxes of similar size to ones used for other popular products.  Management has also decided to remove their condoms, replacing them with boxes of acne cream.  This has proved cost-effective as there is no need to replace any of the dispensers.  They will be re-labelled instead, but the cover photographs will remain on machines to aid morale.  Also the acne cream is available in a wide variety of flavours, i.e. strawberry, banana, chocolate etc.

A survey was carried out to decide whether there was a demand for acne cream.  It seems surveyors did not need to physically ask any questions.  The results were self-explanatory after individuals were pointed out at random.  Complaints from cleaners about difficulties scraping toilet mirrors also swayed opinion.  It was expected there may be a backlash over non-availability of contraceptives.  But it seems usage has dwindled due to the number of staff relocations and responsible usage of disabled toilets.

The marketing team is now looking into a new sponsorship deal with a cleansing lotion company.  Rovers’ management has decided to set up a joint working party to look into this issue.  Counselling will be made available for complexion challenged teenagers.  They will also be provided with free patches and dark glasses.  Emotive words such as spots, zits, crates and squeeze will be removed from all future Blackburn Rovers literature.