Author: Roving Mick

Blackburn Town Centre Rat Problem Could Be Solved

Posted by Roving Mick on December 3, 2019

Your place ermine?

Blackburn town centre management have been inundated with complaints about rats being seen feeding on discarded takeaway food.

This is particularly the case around Darwen Street.  Having a high number of takeaways and the River Blakewater flowing through the thoroughfare doesn’t help matters.  This river, which gave Blackburn its name, has always been a haven for rats and they can often be seen scuttling around its banks.

One solution to this problem could be an introduction of stoats and weasels to the town centre.  Both are woodland creatures, but are also known to inhabit urban areas too, just like foxes and badgers.

Stoats are voracious killers and known to attack and kill rats.  They are curious animals and will investigate squeaking noises, especially if they sound like a rat or rabbit in distress.  It is supposed to be possible to attract them by standing still and sucking hard on the back of your hand.

Stoats are much bigger than weasels.  In fact a weasel can put its head through a wedding ring, whereas a stoat cannot.  Stoats also have a bushy black tip to their tail and in certain parts of the country, their fur turns white in winter, apart from this black bit at their tail end.  In this state, stoats are known as ermine.  So they are stoatally different and weaselly identified.

Unfortunately for stoats, this ermine fur is used by British and European royalty and aristocracy in their robes, so they are highly prized in the fur industry.  In Ireland they are protected.  Unsurprisingly, in Britain they are not.

Another predator which would make mincemeat of Blackburn’s rat population is the Eurasian Lynx.  There have been calls by the Lynx UK Trust for re-introducing this pointy-eared feline back to Britain.  They feed on rats and are also natural predators of deer, whose spiralling population through lack of predators, is starting to become a problem.  Lynx used to be native to Britain – like wolves and bears.  Sadly for the Lynx, the last one was hunted to extinction over a thousand years ago.  So we owe them one.

The old saying ‘One man’s loss is another man’s gain’, could apply to Blackburn and the Orkney Islands.  It seems these islands, at the northern tip of Scotland, want to eradicate their entire stoat population to protect native birdlife.  There may be a handy solution here – why not send them down Blackburn where they can solve our rat problem, maybe take out the odd pigeon too.  This could be a case of killing two birds with one stoat.

Blackburn Rovers Fans Suffering Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Roving Mick on November 1, 2019

One day the Venky gang broke into Ewood Park bank.  They soon realised they had thousands of hostages.  Their first action was to kick out its manager.  Other administration members were also let go.  They then found themselves a go-between to speak to law enforcement agencies. This man was very Kean, but he did not endure himself to the hostages very well.

Things didn’t go as Venky’s expected and they soon found themselves in a siege situation.    At first their hostages started to rebel.  Lots of them protested and some even managed to escape from the premises.  They began to fight back against their captors, singing protest songs such as ‘We Want Venky’s Out’ and ‘Uncle Jack’s Blue And White Army’.  But many resigned themselves to their fate and cooperated with the hostage takers.

Some fans said they considered themselves lucky they were being held hostage by Venky’s.  This bank could have been in Bury or Bolton and it could have been someone like the Baader-Meinhof gang who were calling the shots.

As time moved on a strange relationship seemed to develop between our captives and their captors.  They started to forgive them and began to see things from their point of view, while forgetting about their own treatment.  This strange form of behaviour is known as ‘Stockholm Syndrome’.  It dates back to a bungled bank robbery in the Swedish capital back in 1973.

First people would experience something terrifying that just comes at them out of the blue. They are certain they are going to die.  Then they experience a type of infantilisation – where, like a child, they are unable to eat, speak or go to the toilet without permission.  Small acts of kindness – such as being given food – prompts a primitive gratitude for their gift of life.

The hostages experience a powerful, primitive positive feeling towards their captors.  They are in denial that these are the persons who put them in that situation.  In their mind, they think these are the persons who are going to let them live.

Venky’s said:  “We thought we could just walk into this bank and everybody would welcome us with open arms.  We must have received some bad advice on the way.  Now we just want to go home and let our executives run the show.”

Venky’s decided to sneak out the bank down an escape tunnel and lay low in their eastern hideout.  Sadly for them and the bank they tried to rob, it wasn’t just them who sneaked away.  Most of their hostages are also starting to find their own ways of escaping from the bank of Ewood Park.  Sooner or later, this siege situation will come to an abrupt end.

Blackburn’s Grapes Now Open Again

Posted by Roving Mick on October 1, 2019

Blackburn’s Grapes pub has re-opened.  The town centre pub at the junction of King William Street, Northgate and Sudell Cross re-opened in early September.

The new Grapes Town Tavern opening was delayed by a week due to electrical safety precautions, but this didn’t seem to hinder matters.  There was a good bunch in the Grapes on my afternoon visit of its Friday opening day.

Three real ales from Thwaites were on sale.  I plumped for Gold and was pleased to be charged £2.30 for a pint.  There were a lot of familiar faces in the pub, mainly Blackburn Times regulars, also behind the bar were former staff from there.  But other nearby King William Street pubs also had some of their punters in to check out this newly opened hostelry.  Having an artist and butties on helped boost the crowd, as did their big screens, showing live Ashes test match cricket.

A week is a long time in politics, so said Harold Wilson.  But something similar can also be said about happenings with Blackburn town centre’s pub scene.  A week later, on my next visit, it was still busy in the Grapes, but not so much in Blackburn Times.  After watching the amount of hand pump activity in the Grapes, perhaps this might send a message to Times not to have sour grapes, but to get those cask ale pumps back on again.

Unfortunately it’s going to be a fruitless trip across the road to the Squire, where they won’t be selling real ale for its foreseeable future.  Barely a week after the Grapes opened; their nearest neighbour threw in the towel and ceased to be a pub.  Word on the ‘grapevine’ is it may become an Indian restaurant.  This is not only a bad blow for staff and regulars who went in here, but very annoying too.  It was turning into a good run around King William Street and its immediate area.  Optimistic eyes were even starting to look towards the Borough maybe being the next one to open.

Unfortunately in Blackburn town centre, it always seems to be two steps forward and one step back these days.  But at least the Grapes has made a good start to its new lease of life as a public house.  Let’s hope it continues to mature like fine wine and this becomes a vintage year for the Grapes and Blackburn town centre.

Venky’s Try To Pick Up The Pieces

Posted by Roving Mick on September 1, 2019

Blackburn Rovers’ Indian owners, the Venky’s, have decided they want to try and pick up the pieces of their relationship with the fans and have come up with a novel idea to create cohesion on and off the field.

Our Indian owners have been puzzled by the lack of joined-up thinking at the club and are now trying their best to fit in.  But they haven’t been going to pieces about it and have come up with a novel scheme called Operation Jigsaw Puzzle.

Scientists believe jigsaw puzzles are not only therapeutic, but also very good for seeing the bigger picture.  Encouraging Rovers players to use jigsaw puzzles as part of their training routine could reap great benefits for the team.  Solving puzzles helps reinforce connections to our brain cells, even for footballers.  This improves mental speed and thought processes.  Jigsaw puzzles are especially good for improving short-term memory. This helps us remember different shapes and colours and visualize the bigger picture to figure out which pieces will fit together and which won’t.

There are quite a few jigsaw puzzle terms to be found in the world of football.  One only has to think of set pieces and being in the box.  One of the most important aspects of being a team member is their ability to be able to fit in.  Perhaps the most ironic connection between jigsaw puzzles and Blackburn Rovers is this pastime’s origin.  Jigsaw puzzles were invented around 1760 by British engraver and cartographer, John Spilsbury.  His surname seems rather apt when remembering some of our recent goalkeepers.

Never ones to miss a business opportunity, it’s not just the players our owners want to encourage to take up solving jigsaw puzzles.  They are also trying to persuade Rovers fans to go for a beer in Blues Bar after matches and help put together a giant jigsaw puzzle.  Each piece will be numbered and cash prizes will be available to fans who select the winning numbers.  Fans can also buy blocks of pieces and win cash prizes when their pieces are drawn out and complete sections of the finished jigsaw puzzle.

A giant Ewood Park jigsaw puzzle is an example of one subject fans would really enjoy putting together.  It could include photos of thousands of fragmented fans in the bigger picture, each one a jigsaw piece, numbered and ready to be joined together again.  Perhaps one day this could really happen.

The Vampires Of Zakynthos

Posted by Roving Mick on August 1, 2019

Roving Mick and Sylvia recently had an enjoyable holiday in Zakynthos. Their one regret from this trip was how popular they were with the local flying insect life. This inspired Mick to use his great understanding of aesthetics and culture to write a poem about being bitten everywhere by mosquitoes – apart from one place!

The first day of our trip to Zakynthos
Was tastier than Blackpool Rock
But this was for the mosquitoes.
At least they didn’t bite my stick of rock.

They bit me all over my body
My feet while still in their sock.
At least they didn’t in one place
They didn’t bite my hock.

My legs looked like currant cake
With spots a leopard would mock
Yes I would like to change them
But they didn’t bite my springbok

We may as well have been in Africa
With lions and hippo who shock
But worse things are in the river
At least didn’t bite my croc

This biting from these Mosquitoes
Was like a peck from a giant Roc
Sinbad the Sailor couldn’t save us
But they didn’t bite my hammock

Lancashire lads and lasses
We’re very fine Northern stock
Clogs and shawls at the ready
At least they didn’t bite my smock

My timing wasn’t so brilliant
Fascinating said Mr. Spock
The mosquitoes were so logical
At least they didn’t bite my clock

We never took any precautions
Made ourselves a right laughing stock
The Chinese have a remedy
At least they didn’t bite my wock

But something’s started to appear
In a place that’s given me a shock
The little blighters have finally got me
Yes, they’ve bitten me on my c#ck!

Blackburn’s Adelphi To Open Again

Posted by Roving Mick on July 2, 2019

Plans are afoot for Blackburn’s Adelphi pub to re-open in July.  The Railway Road establishment is under new management and is in the process of recruiting staff.

Though still owned by Admiral Taverns, the pub will be managed by Farnworth based Change Hospitality.  They already manage three other pubs around the Bolton area, including the Market Inn, Farnworth, where this business is located.

Harrison Clayton is the owner of Change Hospitality and behind plans to re-open Blackburn’s Adelphi.  I put together a few questions for him which have been raised by punters in Blackburn:

  • Your Facebook page says the pub is under new ownership.  But is it not owned by Admiral Taverns?
  • Have you been inside the pub to have a look at it?
  • Do you intend to refurbish this place?
  • Have you studied local Facebook comments and looked into the past history of this pub?
  • Do you intend to serve food?
  • Will real ale be available?

Unfortunately there has been no reply forthcoming from Harrison yet.  He is obviously a very busy man, running three pubs and his recruitment business, so his time is probably very limited.  No doubt he will have business plans for the Adelphi and his other ventures look to be a good recommendation for what the Blackburn pub’s future could be.  But he might find punters at this end of the A666 are going to be more sceptical than those at the other end of the Devil’s Highway.  There seem to have been a lot of false dawns with Blackburn’s Adelphi pub.  Many people remain convinced it cannot be turned around due to current economic conditions, people’s changing drinking habits and the Adelphi’s reputation. 

Various attempts at making a success of the Adelphi have been tried over the years.  Sadly, these have proved rather limited.  This pub seems to have had a recent history of opening and closing as often as the lion’s eyes on nearby Morrison’s clock chimes.  Sadly this clock’s jungle scenes have also been compared to life in the Adelphi.  Yet it sits between our railway and bus stations, thousands of people pass this pub every day and a new football season will soon be here with plenty of thirsty fans landing in Blackburn town centre when Rovers are at home.

Hopefully the new regime in charge of the Adelphi can transform this pub into a thriving hostelry its position in the town centre should command.  But they have one hell of a task on their hands.

Blackburn’s St John’s Church – After The Fire

Posted by Roving Mick on June 1, 2019

Blackburn town centre’s oldest building, the former parish church of St John the Evangelist, was devastated by a fire in April.

It was home to a gallery, studio, cinema, theatre workshops and various local community groups.  These were all thriving, along with the Bureau – Centre for the Arts.  Four years of hard work went into getting this fine project up and running.  Thankfully, those people behind the Bureau are not the kind who give up without a fight and are continuing with this good work they have been doing, since setting up the centre, in other locations.  They are now based in the former Waterloo pub.

St John’s has a lot of affection from my point of view.  When Rovers were Premier League Champions, I was unemployed and enrolled on a scheme in here.  Blackburn’s Ethnic Minorities Development Association published a newspaper called Aawaz.  And this is where I learned all about desktop publishing.  It was also the place were my first book was typed out from my spidery longhand hieroglyphics and transcribed into a format for publishing.  A year later my book was published and on the shelves.

My book was never going to be everybody’s cup of tea, but it is just one example of how this building has encouraged and developed creativity and culture in our town.  All sorts of projects and activities have been started up and assisted in what became the Bureau of Blackburn.

Sadly, this fire has put the building out of action for now, but it raises questions over what future does St John’s church have after this terrible inferno?  From looking at the structure, its outer walls look intact, though its interior remains a burnt out shell.  Perhaps this building could be repaired and rebuilt and then brought back into use one day.  Blackburn may not be Paris and St John’s may not be Notre Dame.  But it is still our town centre’s oldest building and up to the fire, was serving our people like it had done since the 18th century.

Many Blackburn people have been helped in some way by this building.  Whether it be through religious comfort and counselling or by calling into the Citizen’s Advice Bureau and Council for Voluntary Services, which were both based there for many years.  It would be nice to think this building may one day re-open and continue to serve the people of Blackburn once again, for many more years to come.

Venky’s Want Sleeping Pods For Ewood Park

Posted by Roving Mick on May 1, 2019

Photo by a befendo on Unsplash

Due to lack of accommodation in the Blackburn area, Rovers’ Indian owners, the Venky’s, want to install Japanese-style sleeping pods inside Ewood Park.

Venky’s wanted somewhere near Ewood Park to build a hotel.  Unfortunately there seemed to be nowhere available.  A member of staff suggested they use Ewood Park itself.  Parts of the football ground have space available and some bright spark came up with an idea to install Japanese-style sleeping pods.

We know them as pods in this country, but they are not as widely used as they are in Asia where they are known as sleeping capsules.  Based on Japan’s famous capsule hotels from the 1970s, they were originally created as accommodation for well-oiled businessmen looking for a few hours to spend the night after they missed their last train home.  Capsule hotels have steadily become a global trend.  This idea came to a member of staff while they were visiting their local launderette.

One of many annoying problems with today’s football is the frequency with which match kick-off times keep changing.  This can be particularly difficult for fans who travel from out of town.  It is even worse when games are postponed at the last minute.  Some fans can also be caught out due to a lack of availability of public transport during midweek matches.  This is especially the case if a match goes to extra time or penalties.  It has led to some fans being marooned in Blackburn when matches finish.  So having cheap accommodation available in the vicinity of Ewood Park would be very helpful.

Installing sleeping pods would be a fraction of the cost of buying a suitable premises or building a new hotel.  A spin off would mean greater use of Blues Bar and extra sales for our club’s in-house catering facilities.  Not only Rovers fans would enjoy this benefit, but so could a lot of away fans too.  Many of them comment on how cheap beer and food costs in Blackburn and they often vote away days at Rovers as their favourite game of the season.  With so many clubs facing financial problems, one of our main objects must be to not only attract football fans to Ewood Park, but to keep them here for as long as possible and part them with their money.  Perhaps an offer of a sleeping pod might just be that little bit of an inducement to persuade them to spend even more of their cash at Ewood Park.

Could Blackburn’s Grapes Become A Pub Again?

Posted by Roving Mick on April 1, 2019

Blackburn’s former Grapes pub looks like it could be available as a pub again, following the end of Liz ‘n’ Lil’s café.

Re-opening as a pub is just one of many options for this former Thwaites house, where Northgate meets King William Street and Sudell Cross

This was one pub I never really took to.  As a teenager going in here, what used to put me off this place was the number of police officers who used to frequent this establishment.  They were easy to spot, coming in the pub in their blue shirts, darker blue ties and regulation footwear.  Being coppers, they were usually big blokes and they watched everybody like hawks.  After all, coppers are never off-duty, like some of the characters they had their eyes on.  This was enough to put off any teenager in the 1970s, gaining this pub its nickname the Sour Grapes.

For some reason police officers seemed to stop going in the Grapes in the 1980s.  No doubt this went down very well with many young people and most of the criminal fraternity.  But on the other side of the coin, the pub seemed to become very seedy, gradually deteriorating as time moved on.  Eventually it closed down and became Liz ‘n’ Lil’s.  Now this latest chapter in its history is also coming to an end.

Unfortunately this building is still owned by Thwaites.  It does not inspire many of Blackburn’s pub-going community to expect the Grapes to become a public house again.  A lot of drinkers say Thwaites have done for Blackburn’s nightlife what Venky’s have done for Rovers.

But our former town centre brewery is open to offers and the Grapes becoming a pub again is not out of the question.  Perhaps Daniel Thwaites’ Scottish owners may even be rethinking their practice of sticking restrictive covenants on some of their licensed premises.  This has been very anti-competitive over the years, depriving many of us of our locals and favourite watering holes, while the brewery seems to be less interested in brewing beer and more interested in estate management and trying to conjure up phoenixes from burnt down buildings. 

But we have proved in Blackburn we don’t need Thwaites anymore.  Microbrewers are the future of brewing.  Though at the same time, it would be nice to see some of our old pubs return.  Wouldn’t it be great if we were able to go for a pint in the Grapes as a pub again?  If this could happen; how about the Borough next?

Rovers Bring in Steroid Sniffing Dope Dogs to Ewood Park

Posted by Roving Mick on March 1, 2019

After watching some of the border control programmes on TV, Blackburn Rovers have decided to employ their own Dope Sniffer Dogs.

There are rumours of more stringent tests to detect performance enhancing drugs being brought in by the FA.  Football seems to have a good reputation regarding drug use at the moment.  There haven’t been stories like those which have blighted cycling and swimming.  But this may be because football drug abusers have rarely been caught.

A dog’s sense of smell is reputedly ten thousand times more powerful than that of a human being.  Specially trained dogs may even have been used to sniff out early stages of cancer.  But it is mainly pursuing escaped criminals from prison and detection of illegal drugs being smuggled through customs which comes to mind when we think of sniffer dogs.  Detection dogs are able to recognize and discern a scent, even when it has been masked by another odour. This is because dogs smell in layers, allowing them to detect individual ingredients.

Security forces have been using dogs to find bombs, drugs and other substances for decades.  Perhaps this is why most stories of dogs smelling steroids come from them. In 2008 a sniffer dog detected steroids in a car stopped for checking at the Mexican border in El Paso. Steroids were hidden inside the car’s dashboard. This dog’s steroids find led to the arrest of a man trying to smuggle 150 vials of anabolic steroids into the USA.

With glamour and vast rewards offered by football, there could be some impressionable individuals who are tempted to use performance enhancing drugs and steroids to give themselves an unfair advantage over their peers.  Sadly for many footballers, their playing career is often very short and most players will never hit the big time.  Some may see using drugs as enhancing their one shot at success and all the trappings which follow.

Trappings of a different kind are what the FA are interested in and it is their intention to keep football clean – certainly as far as the playing side is concerned.  Blackburn Rovers intend to play their part in this fight against drugs.  Not only will playing staff be under scrutiny, but so will fans.  Anyone trying to enter Ewood Park under the influence of cocaine, ecstasy, hashish etc., can be expected to run a gauntlet of Fido at the turnstiles.

Fido is hoping his new job at Ewood Park is less stressful than his last one at a well-known airport.  He detected LSD which made him high and barbiturates which knocked him out cold.  Then he found something which made him relieve himself all over the place.

When airport staff asked his handler what had made him do this, his handler replied: “He’s just found a bomb.”

After this shock to his system, a less explosive atmosphere was required for our doggy detective.  Hopefully he’ll never suffer the collie-wobbles again.  Let’s hope things will work out much better for Fido at Ewood Park and it won’t be a dog’s life in his new job.