Category: Poetry

Blackburn Wants To Be A City – More’s The Pity

Posted by Roving Mick on January 1, 2022

Like a bad penny in your pocket

Like a beggar wanting pity

That old chestnut’s here again

Blackburn wants to be a city

 

In your doorway on Darwen Street

Where you feel like a brass monkey

It really makes no difference at all

Whether Blackburn becomes a city

 

Blackburn supported Cromwell

While Preston supported the Crown

The royalty has never forgiven us

We’ll always stay a town

 

We couldn’t watch the Life of Brian

To Accrington we had to go

While national censors allowed it

Blackburn’s councillors said No!

 

Councillors know what’s best for us

They call it local democracy

But have any of them ever asked you

If we should be a town or a city?

 

Councillors in their chambers

Having a right good natter

Is Blackburn a town or a city?

Does it really matter?

 

They’ll still be closing pubs down

And Covid will still be in action

Turning Blackburn into a city

Is just a mild distraction

 

A city with no nightlife

Isn’t going to succeed

Town centre pubs back open

Is what we really need

 

Rovers fans will lament

They’ll be feeling down

No nay never no more

England’s most successful town

 

Does it make you lose sleep

Blackburn a town or city

All that’s going on in the world

Is it such a difficulty?

The Vampires Of Zakynthos

Posted by Roving Mick on August 1, 2019

Roving Mick and Sylvia recently had an enjoyable holiday in Zakynthos. Their one regret from this trip was how popular they were with the local flying insect life. This inspired Mick to use his great understanding of aesthetics and culture to write a poem about being bitten everywhere by mosquitoes – apart from one place!

The first day of our trip to Zakynthos
Was tastier than Blackpool Rock
But this was for the mosquitoes.
At least they didn’t bite my stick of rock.

They bit me all over my body
My feet while still in their sock.
At least they didn’t in one place
They didn’t bite my hock.

My legs looked like currant cake
With spots a leopard would mock
Yes I would like to change them
But they didn’t bite my springbok

We may as well have been in Africa
With lions and hippo who shock
But worse things are in the river
At least didn’t bite my croc

This biting from these Mosquitoes
Was like a peck from a giant Roc
Sinbad the Sailor couldn’t save us
But they didn’t bite my hammock

Lancashire lads and lasses
We’re very fine Northern stock
Clogs and shawls at the ready
At least they didn’t bite my smock

My timing wasn’t so brilliant
Fascinating said Mr. Spock
The mosquitoes were so logical
At least they didn’t bite my clock

We never took any precautions
Made ourselves a right laughing stock
The Chinese have a remedy
At least they didn’t bite my wock

But something’s started to appear
In a place that’s given me a shock
The little blighters have finally got me
Yes, they’ve bitten me on my c#ck!

The Ballad Of Shebby Singh

(To the tune of Davy Crockett – King of the Wild Frontier)

 

Born in Malaysia in 1960,

Strangest child you ever did see

Escaped to the jungle, he wanted to be free

Strangled an orang-utan before he was even three

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, he came from the wild frontier

 

When he was a young boy he wanted to play

Professional football with Kuala Lumpur F.A.

After 18 years, at the top of the tree

He was man of the match against Shrewsbury

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, Malaysia’s footballer of the year

 

Management beckoned, but it wasn’t his scene

So he moved to a career on the TV screen

He grew a little moustache he can barely see

So he has to wear NHS glasses like Joe 90

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, his eyesight’s not very clear

 

But a TV pundit wasn’t his bent

So off to England he was sent

Indian owners bought a Premier League team

So Shebby went Rovers to live the dream

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, he’s coming over here

 

Blackburn Rovers was their name

Tradition was their claim to fame

But Venkys had taken away their might

It was Shebby’s chance to put things right

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, success is very near

 

The fans had suffered for long enough

So Shebby showed he could be tough

Out the door Steve Kean soon went

He said it was by mutual consent

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, he’s got us all to cheer

 

But Shebby bit off more than he could chew

He didn’t really know what he should do

He upset the fans who hold the club so dear

Shot his mouth off before his brain was in gear

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, he’s talking out his rear

 

Now Shebby has gone, or so we hope

We’ve seen enough of the Malaysian Dope

The journey starts for the Holy Grail

Rovers are back on the Premier League trail

 

Shebby, Shebby Singh, gone back to the wild frontier

Absent Friends

I’m a stayaway Blackburn Rovers fan

It’s nobody’s fault, my self-imposed ban

I go and watch them down the pub

But it doesn’t do me a lot of good

 

I’ve got a dislocated disk and a dodgy back

I’m allergic to rain and hail

When the spud pie hits I get epileptic fits

And I’m addicted to Thwaites Ale

 

I’ve got the beer belly woes, I can’t touch my toes

I can’t even reach my knees

And if the rain falls down from the sky

It starts to make me sneeze

 

I love my Rovers and hope they win

But sadly it’s plain to see

That someone’s got to go to Ewood Park

And that someone isn’t me

 

My mate’s got a season ticket

Only costs him £5 a week

A pack of fags or two pints of beer

Won’t make his wallet leak

 

So come on you Rovers and score a goal

Maybe score two, three or four

When you let me in for a fiver or less

I’ll be the first to go

 

But something’s got us buzzing

Rovers are in the hat

We might be going to Wembley

I’ll have some of that

Oh Mrs. Desai

Oh Mrs. Desai, please tell me why

You’ve gone and bought our beloved Rovers team

Oh Mr. Rao, please tell me how

You’re going to make our trophy cabinet gleam

 

You say you’ve become a Blackburn Rovers supporter

You’ll be sprinkling rose petals on the River Blakewater

But you should have come here a lot sooner

Blackburn’s such a long way from Pune

 

Oh Mr. Rao, you didn’t know

That’s why you listened to Kentaro

Somebody gave you some bad advice

So you went and sacked Sam Allardyce

 

It looks like he wasn’t part of your big scheme

But that was no reason to be so mean

Now there’s a new man on the scene

Maybe he won’t stay very Kean

 

English football’s just not cricket

Something you haven’t understood

Now you’ve bought our Blackburn Rovers

And want to turn it into Bollywood

 

We’re in trouble now since you came

Lost the plot and can’t win a game

We’ll wait and see if this plot thickens

Hope we don’t get stuffed like one of your chickens

 

But money is all you seem to care about

Fans like us just don’t count

Yes Mrs. Desai, now we know why

You’ve bought our beloved Rovers team