Category: Blackburn Rovers

Many years ago Blackburn Rovers gave a job to a coach who had been brought up in a travelling circus.  Like all circus children, he picked up many of those performing skills associated with this profession.  These included flying trapeze, tight rope walking, juggling and even being a clown.  But our former coach was also a master of other less physical arts, but no less skilful –  ventriloquism and hypnotism.

After a decent career as a professional footballer, management beckoned.  This is where he really could have come into his own, thanks to his circus skills.  It is often said every manager walks a tightrope.  But in the case of most football managers, there are no safety nets, just a sack.  Our coach started off by being put in charge of our youth and academy teams.  Almost immediately he found this could be a poisoned chalice.

He found a unique way of solving those problems of capturing the attention of this demanding audience.  A room full of Rovers youngsters thought something strange was going on when their coach brought a suitcase in with him and took out a ventriloquist’s dummy.  He put his hand inside it and started opening its mouth and rolling it’s eyes around.  By now the room had gone quiet and all eyes were turned on this dummy and its handler.

The trick for our coach was to hypnotise his dummy.  But it had been a long time since he worked with his wooden friend.  He ended up putting himself into a trance and being hypnotised by his own dummy.  We also had a strange situation where every child in the room was also briefly hypnotised by this dummy.  Eventually everybody woke up from their shared trance.  It was like they had all lost half an hour from their lives, nobody could remember what had happened before, during or after their trance.

Things were even worse for the man who was supposed to be in charge.  This hypnotic trance appeared to have done some kind of temporary psychological damage to him.  He seemed to be more worried about the lads losing their kit and equipment from this training session.  He tried to reassure them that he had saved their equipment and kept muttering:

“I got all the gear, I got all the gear, I got all the gear”.

After this incident our football club dispensed with his services and he was never seen again.  At least there were no lasting effects on these young players.  Many of them went on to become successful footballers in their own right.

As for our former coach, things didn’t turn out so badly for him either.  He landed on his feet after mesmerising a rich and beautiful celebrity actress who was more than half his age.  The media couldn’t understand what she saw in him.  But he said his powers of hypnosis didn’t always let him down.

Blackburn Rovers made it to the first ever Premier League play-off final in 1992 after beating Derby County over two legs in the semi-finals.  Sadly the second leg at the Baseball ground ended on a bad note when some angry Rams fans invaded the pitch and attacked Rovers striker, David Speedie.

Fortunately for Speedie and Blackburn Rovers, help was at hand when a steward went to his aid.  Lifelong Derby County fan and club steward, Richard Hughes, threw himself over Speedie as punches rained down upon the player.  And with help from others, including Rovers players and officials, managed to drag Speedie into the players tunnel without him suffering serious injury.  Along with Speedie, Richard also received a few slaps for his trouble.

Even worse was to follow for Speedie.  A Derby fan spat at and then punched the Rovers striker, who retaliated by hitting his assailant back.  This so-called ‘fan’ then tried suing Speedie for assault.  The assault case against David Speedie was rightly thrown out.

During the period leading up to Speedie’s assault trial, Richard was hounded by press to tell them what happened.  They managed to find his telephone number and journalists even turned up on his doorstep offering him money to reveal what really happened.  But Richard was having none of this and justice was seen to take place.

On the Canary island of Fuerteventura is a pub called El Perro Loco.  Located on a hillside, overlooking Castillo Beach Bungalows, Caleta de Fuste, it is managed by Richard and partner Sophie, who also hails from Derbyshire.  In English this pub name means the mad dog and seems quite ironic after what Richard had to go through on that crazy night at the Baseball Ground in 1992.

If it wasn’t for the actions of Richard Hughes, David Speedie may have missed the play-off final, including events which led to Mike Newell’s winning penalty goal against Leicester City and Blackburn Rovers may have missed out on promotion to the new Premier League.  What happened on that day at Wembley has gone down in football history and remains part of Blackburn Rovers folklore. The last word must go to Richard.  He says:  “It wasn’t a case of me saving David Speedie from the Derby fans.  It was more a case of me saving the Derby fans from David Speedie”.

Always at the cutting edge of technology, Blackburn Rovers are pioneering new uses of sensors to measure their footballers’ performance and wellbeing.  It is hoped this will increase the club’s chances of a return to the higher echelons of the football pyramid.

Sensors will be inserted in player’s boot studs, their shirts and a special wristband.  These body tracking gadgets will record everything from blood pressure, respiration and perspiration.  Up to 4,000 data points could be collected per minute, including measurements of heat flux, skin temperature and electrical conductivity, motion and the burning of calories. 

This gives the scientists and data collectors a chance to see how player’s bodies slow down during and after training sessions.  Some of the players will be expected to take it in turns to wear the sensors, even when they take their afternoon naps after visiting the Black Bull at dinnertime.  Sleep quality and dreaming can also be measured at the same time.

Data collection won’t be restricted to players and statisticians.  All staff will be expected to do their bit in this ground-breaking quantifying exercise.  Even workers in the club fish and chip shop and burger bar will be asked to keep tabs on the players’ dietary consumption.  The escort agency staff will also have their own secret method of keeping certain performance stats.

There is a possibility sensory stimulation could also be delivered, but FIFA clearance would be required here.  This would entail giving players mild electric shocks when they underperform.  Unfortunately some think this technology may have arrived too late.  There is also the player’s human rights and dignity to consider when inflicting punitive action using these devices.

One measure which may be acceptable to the PFA is for players on curfew, or having to wear a 24 hour tag, keeping sensors about their person for monitoring their movements.  Other players could also have these attached the night before playing matches. As with every group, there are rebels.  Some players see the sensors as a ‘Big Brother’ form of control and feel like human guinea pigs.  One complained of modern football being run by statistics, though he kept quiet about the financial recompense.  He said it was like being covered in ants when he was at the Brockhall Science Centre.  His only pleasure was pulling the sensors off when going home after training.  There, he could feel like a de-assimilated Borg Drone.

Many Blackburn Rovers fans were taken by surprise one morning in October.  There was a job advert on the Indeed website advertising for a First Team Opposition Analyst.

This seemed very strange to most people.  You wouldn’t expect a professional football club to recruit staff using methods open to the general public?  You might think they would use their own insider trade media.  Or maybe Rovers had taken transparency and equality of opportunity to a whole new level.  This Indeed advert linked through to Rovers’ own website, where a job description and application form could be found.

Their job application looked a bit boring really.  It came across as a typical office job, rather like joining the civil service, or some other bureaucratic institution.  Applicant background checks, work history and references were requested.  It said high levels of interest were anticipated, which could lead to the post being closed earlier than its October 31^st closing date.

What was not mentioned in the advert was the kind of work which might be expected of a potential applicant.  Transparency was not in the job description for good reason.  An example of what happens when things go wrong happened last season when Leeds United sent one of their employees on an undercover mission to do an opposition analytical assessment of Derby County at their training ground.  The resulting debacle and £200k fine is just an example of occupational hazards which could occur if you get caught.

Resulting publicity can often show the offending club in a very bad light.  Therefore, Rovers are aiming to recruit a very special kind of person to this position.  One of the characteristics of this job, like others at the club, is you are on your own when things go wrong.  The club will say you were not following procedure or key work objectives.  So somebody slippery, able to impersonate regional accents and enjoy different kinds of local beer, is an ideal candidate choice.   

Also being a master of disguises is a preferred qualification.  Equipment will be provided to the successful applicant, including invisible ink and X-ray contact lenses.  A uniform will be provided, incorporating the obligatory raincoat and trilby.  This headgear also has access to an ear hearing amplifier which allows you to eavesdrop on conversations from as far as twenty feet away.  Sounds can be amplified by 50 decibels so even the quietest tactics between unsuspecting managers and their players will be picked up with plenty of clarity.

For the successful candidate, rewards could be very lucrative.  A generous financial package of £30k can be expected, along with regular trips to India.  Once appointed, a mandatory non-disclosure agreement is expected to be signed by the appointed applicant.

After watching some of the border control programmes on TV, Blackburn Rovers have decided to employ their own Dope Sniffer Dogs.

There are rumours of more stringent tests to detect performance enhancing drugs being brought in by the FA.  Football seems to have a good reputation regarding drug use at the moment.  There haven’t been stories like those which have blighted cycling and swimming.  But this may be because football drug abusers have rarely been caught.

A dog’s sense of smell is reputedly ten thousand times more powerful than that of a human being.  Specially trained dogs may even have been used to sniff out early stages of cancer.  But it is mainly pursuing escaped criminals from prison and detection of illegal drugs being smuggled through customs which comes to mind when we think of sniffer dogs.  Detection dogs are able to recognize and discern a scent, even when it has been masked by another odour. This is because dogs smell in layers, allowing them to detect individual ingredients.

Security forces have been using dogs to find bombs, drugs and other substances for decades.  Perhaps this is why most stories of dogs smelling steroids come from them. In 2008 a sniffer dog detected steroids in a car stopped for checking at the Mexican border in El Paso. Steroids were hidden inside the car’s dashboard. This dog’s steroids find led to the arrest of a man trying to smuggle 150 vials of anabolic steroids into the USA.

With glamour and vast rewards offered by football, there could be some impressionable individuals who are tempted to use performance enhancing drugs and steroids to give themselves an unfair advantage over their peers.  Sadly for many footballers, their playing career is often very short and most players will never hit the big time.  Some may see using drugs as enhancing their one shot at success and all the trappings which follow.

Trappings of a different kind are what the FA are interested in and it is their intention to keep football clean – certainly as far as the playing side is concerned.  Blackburn Rovers intend to play their part in this fight against drugs.  Not only will playing staff be under scrutiny, but so will fans.  Anyone trying to enter Ewood Park under the influence of cocaine, ecstasy, hashish etc., can be expected to run a gauntlet of Fido at the turnstiles.

Fido is hoping his new job at Ewood Park is less stressful than his last one at a well-known airport.  He detected LSD which made him high and barbiturates which knocked him out cold.  Then he found something which made him relieve himself all over the place.

When airport staff asked his handler what had made him do this, his handler replied: “He’s just found a bomb.”

After this shock to his system, a less explosive atmosphere was required for our doggy detective.  Hopefully he’ll never suffer the collie-wobbles again.  Let’s hope things will work out much better for Fido at Ewood Park and it won’t be a dog’s life in his new job.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid of people whose eyes are oddly made.  And people whose skin is a different shade.  You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear.  You’ve got to be taught from year to year.  It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear.  You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught, before it’s too late.  Before you are six, or seven, or eight.  To hate all the people your relatives hate.  You’ve got to be carefully taught. You’ve got to be carefully taught.         

Rogers & Hammerstein  South Pacific

Ever since Blackburn Rovers were formed, there has been one never-ending disagreement splitting our fans.  Which side of Rovers’ shirt should be blue and which should be white?

The first known picture of Rovers was taken at their Alexandra Meadows home in 1878. This shows the team in halved shirts, but some of these players have their colours on different sides of their shirts. There has never been anything definitive written down in Rovers’ 143 year history saying which side these colours should be placed on the shirt. This has led to inevitable arguments between our fans over many years.

Meanwhile two Blackburn Rovers fans have spent years pursuing each other through time and space, each one trying to outwit the other with their view over which side of the shirt colours should be placed.  These two fans also paint their faces blue and white in half designs.  One has his blue on the left side and white on the right of his face, the other has his colours in an opposite formation.  Both claim they are right, each of them dismissing their rival as a charlatan and an imposter and not a true fan of our club.

This obsession has led to other fans following suit, turning on each other and questioning their rival’s loyalty and commitment to supporting our club.  There have often been cases of families and friends falling out over this issue, some ultimately taking their ball home with them.  It has even led to couples throwing tantrums and sending their partners to the doghouse.

This issue is such a serious one, it bodes the question of our very identity.  Are Blackburn Rovers the Blue and Whites, or are they the White and Blues?  Perhaps one day peace will break out between our fans.  Now you know why there were never any mirrors in the Ewood Park toilets.  Some Rovers fans would find their reflections very offensive.

Fortunately for our protagonists, there is a mysterious creature which dwells at Ewood Park, some kind of goat, which diverts attention away from petty infighting.  Over the years it has taken various forms and many names.  Its latest is Ben.  At least he can rest assured, knowing he has helped bring about a temporary truce between those who would still be battling over where the colours should be placed on the Rovers shirt.

Don’t let us get started on what shade of blue it should be!

How many times have you heard people say Rovers couldn’t win a raffle?  Many years ago they cleared all their debts with one.

Rovers’ lost Leamington Street ground

Before Blackburn Rovers moved to Ewood Park they played their home games in the Revidge district of Blackburn.  These were at East Lancs’ Alexandra Meadows cricket ground, before moving round the corner to their own Leamington Street ground, arguably the first purpose built football ground in the world, certainly the first to host an England match.

Despite Rovers probably being the most successful football club in the world at the time – they won the FA Cup, or English Cup as it was known then, for the third time in a row in 1886 – there was still the perennial problem then, as now, of paying for it all.

The ingenuity of football fans was as powerful over 130 years ago as it is now and one of the most novel ways ever of raising money for Rovers was put into action.  This was raffling a house on New Bank Road, near their Leamington Street ground, in 1886.  It became known as The Rovers Cottage and was said to be worth £140.

Tickets would go on sale at 6d each but this was very expensive for some fans.  Sixpence 130 years ago would be worth around £25 in today’s money.  Supporters would often create their own syndicates to buy tickets.  Normally six people would put in a penny each and then hold a draw amongst themselves to decide who would be holder of their raffle entry ticket.

On this occasion five men from Blackburn clubbed together to do this.  They had difficulty in persuading a sixth; a 24 year old Blackburn Corporation gas meter inspector from Johnston Street, called John Thomas Barker, to join in with their syndicate.  Finally he reluctantly handed over his penny and then won their raffle to hold the ticket.

The draw was made on Wednesday 17 March 1886 at Culleen’s Circus, Blakey Moor, from the same cylinder Blackburn Olympic had used for their prize draw the previous Saturday, ironically the day Rovers beat the Swifts to book their place in their third Cup Final in a row.  No doubt the boys from the top of East Park Road would have had some decent prizes, but nothing compared to what was on offer from those boys at the top of West Park Road.  The Rovers Cottage was a sensation and created enormous interest, with 4,000 people turning up to watch the draw.

Mr Barker found out that he had won the raffle.  This prize was a fortune for most working men at the time.  He said he had received two offers for the house of £115 and £120.  At today’s prices, these figures could be multiplied nearly a thousand fold.

The Rovers Cottage wasn’t just a great success for its raffle winner, it also helped pay off all of Rovers’ outstanding debts.  The icing on their cake came a few weeks later with them winning the FA Cup for a third time in a row.  Known as the ‘Thrice’, this is a feat no club has since been able to achieve and means Rovers still hold the longest unbeaten run in the world’s oldest club competition.

Who was Blackburn Rovers’ greatest goalscorer? Was it Shearer, Sutton, Tommy Briggs, Simon Garner, or present day poacher, Jordan Rhodes?

Skimmy knew how to blow his own trumpet

Believe it or not, one former player, actually born and bred in Blackburn, is up there with the best of them when it comes to his record of scoring goals for Rovers. His strike rate is even higher than Alan Shearer’s!

Jack Southworth was born on Ainsworth Street in 1866 and baptised in what became Blackburn Cathedral. He came from a musical family and would go on to become a professional musician when his football career was ended by injury.

His brother Jim, also a musician, played alongside his sibling for Rovers. Both of them started playing with Rovers’ town rivals, Blackburn Olympic. But after earlier rejections, they were eventually lured across Corporation Park from Shear Brow to Leamington Road.

Jack quickly became a favourite with the Rovers fans, who nicknamed him ‘Skimmy’, due to his speed. He became a deadly striker, dubbed the ‘Prince of Dribblers’ and was popping them in at an important time in our history.

We become founder members of the Football League in 1888. Next came our move to Ewood Park. There was also a small matter of Rovers winning two FA Cups in 1890 & 1891. The first of these while still playing at Leamington Road and our next after the move to our current home. Jack scored in both victories. He also played three times for England, inevitably scoring in all three games.

Although we are taking about those early days of organised football, Southworth’s goals record is still incredible. He played 132 Football League and FA Cup matches for Rovers, scoring 121 goals. He scored Rovers’ first ever goal in the Football League and he still holds Blackburn Rovers’ record for the most individual hat-tricks in a season, with five in 1890–91, and the record for the aggregate individual hat-tricks with thirteen.

Sadly, Skimmy and the Rovers fell out over football’s perennial curse – money. Although Southworth had a good point in his argument about wishing to move to Everton to further his musical career. The Toffees had just moved into their new Goodison Park ground and were splashing the cash. They paid Rovers £400 and took away our first prolific goal scorer – no doubt some former fans of the then recently defunct ‘Lympic would have had a laugh at their fellow townsfolk’s loss.

The real reason for his transfer was Rovers’ developing financial problems due to the Ewood Park move and joining the Football League. But Jack was still pilloried by the local press and Rovers fans for jumping ship. At least he was given his say in a letter which they published. He explained his reasons candidly, for both financially and musically, wanting away. The latter was obviously his first love. Even at the height of his powers at Rovers, the 1891 census has him living in Inkerman Street and his occupation listed as a musician.

At Everton he was a sensation in his first season, scoring 27 goals in 22 games. It looked more of the same in his second season, with nine goals in as many games. But then he was struck by a leg injury which ended his football career. Fortunately, he had other strings to his bow in more ways than one and became a professional violinist with the Halle Orchestra. He went on to play different instruments in various famous orchestras across the north for several years.

Jack Southworth died in in Liverpool in 1956. He was nearly 90. He may not have been Rovers’ greatest striker, but he was certainly our most artistic.

Blackburn Rovers hold a few football records, but here is one of their funniest.

Rovers may hold the unique distinction of hosting England international matches on three different home grounds in the 19^th century. These were at East Lancs Cricket Club’s Alexandra Meadows, Leamington Road, round the corner and of course our beloved current home ground of Ewood Park.

But the international match which causes most merriment was the first one at the Meadows. On the 26th of February 1881 a crowd of 4,200 gathered at Alexandra Meadows, temporary home of Blackburn Rovers, to watch England play Wales in a friendly international. Both Hargreaves brothers and James Brown from Rovers were in the England team.

The ground was covered in snow and slush, a factor which was the main reason blamed for the Welsh gaining an unexpected 1-0 victory. No doubt many disappointed England supporters would have vented their ire at the match officials, keeping up a tradition we see all the time these days.

But the match referee would have been used to the usual insult shouted in his direction. His was the wonderfully named Segar Richard Bastard, who hailed from Bow in London.

It probably wasn’t a good idea to question Segar’s parentage, he was a practising solicitor when not playing football and other sports. He also played the beautiful game at international level himself – just once for England – before refereeing. He was also in appropriate surroundings at the East Lancs ground, having played for Essex at county cricket level. Segar also liked a flutter and would be in good company with today’s footballers as he was one of the first to have owned a racehorse.

At least we can dispel the popular myth of Segar being the inspiration behind some of the chants directed towards referees. These didn’t start until well after his death in 1921. But we can say the referee of the first ever England international home match, held outside London, really was a Bastard.