Blackburn Posty Beer Garden

Posted by Roving Mick on August 1, 2023

And it came to pass that Blackburn’s Wetherspoon’s pub, The Postal Order, has opened up a brand new beer garden.

This facility is next to the pub across from where Dandy Walk meets Darwen Street.  It is situated on consecrated land, owned by the Church of England through Blackburn Cathedral.  So not only real ale but spirits are also likely to be in good measure.

For many years people have said what they were missing at the Posty was a proper beer garden.  Those existing tables and seats in front of this pub just don’t really give you a sort of ambience and relaxation in a similar way to what a beer garden can provide.  In fact sitting on these front seats can often lead to racing pulses, watching police cars, ambulances and taxis speeding down Darwen Street.

This would have been just what the doctor ordered when lockdown started coming to an end a couple of years ago.  Blackburn’s drinkers could have enjoyed a pint sitting outside then, rather than having to do without during this terrible time when the Posty wasn’t able to allow punters inside.

But better late than never and there is a now a brand new facility where you can have a sit down and be entertained by an angelic sound of bells ringing and chiming, also a heavenly kind of karaoke, with people singing to the accompaniment of an organ every Sunday.

Strangely enough, this new beer garden site may be quite near if not actually on part of the site of where Blackburn’s old County pub used to be situated.  This was a Lion house, if my fading memory serves me right.  It only ever received one visit from me during my teenage salad days.  Unlike the early Christians, I was drunk but never stoned.  In 1979 the County’s walls went the same way as those of Jericho.

When the County went from dust to dust, it was a different story across Dandy Walk.  Our Postal Order was still serving its purpose from where this pub’s name originated.  After many years as Blackburn’s main post office, it didn’t become a Wetherspoon’s hostelry until 1996.

Now we have a situation where these two buildings, Blackburn Cathedral and the Postal Order, have two different objectives.  One wishes to look after your virtues, the other your vices.  With a brand new beer garden, hopefully this marriage between the Cathedral and Posty will be one made in heaven.  Definitely a case of love thy neighbour.

Blackburn Pride 2023

Posted by Roving Mick on July 1, 2023

Blackburn Pride 2023 was bigger and better this time than when it made its debut last year.

Our town centre streets were awash with all the colours of the rainbow as this year’s Pride procession made its way from its starting point on Cathedral Square.

Councillor Jim Shorrock, Chair of Blackburn Pride Committee, looked a bit worried before this event was due to start.  His main concern was how the weather would fair.  It did feel like rain was in the air, but Jim had no need to worry.  It didn’t rain on his parade.

Due to possible inclement weather, Jim had also worried about this affecting the festival’s attendance.  Once again, he didn’t have to worry.  Last year’s turnout exceeded expectations, this year’s event was even larger.

My buddies were joined having their breakfast in the Postal Order.  We left earlier than on a usual Saturday to get a seat outside the Drummer’s Arms, where they opened earlier than usual at 11.00am.  This was a good vantage point to not only watch the Pride procession, but to also listen to music from a temporary stage erected nearby.

On Monday dinnertime I went for a pint in the Rock Box and there was the man himself, a relieved Councillor Jim, having a brew.  As expected, he was very pleased with how everything went with Saturday’s festival.  When asked what the most challenging aspect was of organising it, Jim replied pulling in advertising and sponsorship to pay for this year’s Pride.  But after two successful events, sponsors and advertisers were now approaching the Pride Committee about next year’s festival.

What was quite amusing was seeing some of the frozen faces and frowns from people who obviously didn’t approve or agree with what this festival was all about.  But that was lost on the vast majority of people who turned up that day.  Their numbers were made up of LGBTQ and straight people, of all ages including elderly and children.

Their main talking point though was how noticeable Blackburn with Darwen’s new Mayor was by his absence.  Some unfairly called him a bigot.  Others said he’d lost his bottle after seeing the abuse last year’s first citizen, Solly Khonat, received when he opened Blackburn’s inaugural Pride.  But most people who attended this year’s event didn’t give a damn where the Mayor was, or even whether our borough really needs one.  They said Blackburn needs it’s Pride more than it needs a Mayor.

Flying Another Flag in Cyprus Is All Greek To Me

Posted by Roving Mick on June 1, 2023

While enjoying a recent holiday in Cyprus, one thing which seems to still be around is the sight of the flag of Greece fluttering on buildings here and there.

This lovely island has been divided since 1974 into two separate entities.  Two thirds of this island, mainly in its south, comprises of the Republic of Cyprus, an EU member, populated by Greek Cypriots.  Whereas the northern third of this island is made up of the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus (TRNC).  A territory populated by Turkish Cypriots, but not recognised as a sovereign country anywhere, except by Turkey itself.

As we approach 50 years since Cyprus was partitioned, attitudes amongst some people on both sides seem as entrenched now as they were when Turkey invaded in 1974.  One of the main factors behind this division was many members of the Greek Cypriot population wanting union with Greece.  This situation was unacceptable to its Turkish Cypriot diaspora.  They wanted Partition rather than being part of Greece and it looks like they got what they wanted – but at a price!

That price is almost total isolation from the rest of the world, apart from Turkey.  All exports and imports to TRNC have to go through their Turkish benefactor across the Mediterranean Sea.  Calling Turkey a benefactor, apart from saving Turkish Cypriots from being massacred, is starting to wear a bit thin now as we approach 50 years since their armed intervention.

Flag flying Greek Cypriots also seem to be missing a trick here.  Turkey has encouraged mainland settlers to cross the Med to help boost TRNC’s population to try and outnumber their southern neighbours.  But this may be starting to backfire.  Turkish Cypriots tend to be secular and hold liberal views.  Whereas many of these settlers are farmers who tend to hold right-wing points of view, along with embracing a traditional religious way of life.

This may lead to a situation where Turkish Cypriots see themselves as having more in common with their southern rather than northern neighbours.  Many Cypriots lived together in peace and harmony across the island up to 1974.  There are still some places where it happens to this day.  Pyla is an example of this.  Situated inside the United Nations buffer zone separating both Cypriot territories and near Britain’s Sovereign Base Area of Dhekelia (my birthplace), Pyla has had a long tradition of cross community friendship and co-operation between its mixed Greek and Turkish Cypriot population.  It also hosts a campus of the University of Central Lancashire.

Pyla shows there is still hope for unity amongst both sets of Cypriots.  So Greek Cypriots continuing to wave the flag of a foreign country, which has no interest in them, doesn’t seem a very appropriate or helpful way of bringing these two communities together.  It’s a bit like Austrians waving the German flag.  This was done in their recent past, creating much regret.  Sadly, Germany’s most well-known leader was an Austrian.

Rovers Digging For Victory

Posted by Roving Mick on May 1, 2023

Following the recent supermarket vegetable shortage, Blackburn Rovers’ footballers could be given a chance of learning a new career for when their playing days come to an end.

This idea is said to originate from the club’s head office in India.  Here Venky’s have a vested interest in vegetables, especially in regard to accompanying their chicken meals.  Their plan is to turn parts of Brockhall training site into a nursery garden, to be used as a horticultural teaching facility.  It would be known as ‘Rooting For The Rovers’.

But to some cynical Rovers fans, Venky’s have already lost the plot.  They may be hedging their bets with another attempt by them to try to sell off part of the training ground land.  This was after a previous attempt to sell off part of Brockhall’s training facility which failed.

This latest scheme includes not only allowing footballers to learn all about gardening and horticulture, it would also encourage local residents to get involved in gardening projects too.  Perhaps if a strong interest in allotments and growing fruit and vegetables could be encouraged, then maybe local residents wouldn’t be as opposed to land at Brockhall being sold off.

Though it must be debatable whether our club owners would receive a similar kind of financial reward for this land being turned into allotments, compared to the kind of returns house building would yield, it sounds like chicken feed.  The plot thickens.

Brian Clough famously said:  ‘We had a good team on paper.  Unfortunately the game was played on grass’.  Footballers are known for having an affinity to the land environment because of this.  After all, they make their living running about on a patch of grass kicking around a bag of wind.  So when their playing days come to an end, what more fitting place could they find to work than outside on a windy green field?

There was one example were the boot was on the other foot though.  One of the most famous Rovers fans ever to have lived, acclaimed author, Alfred Wainwright, said his favourite patch of grass that he had ever walked upon was the centre circle of Ewood Park.

So what kind of fruit and vegetables would Rovers players like to grow, cabbages or turnips?  It sounds like a lot of thought is going into this project and at this stage of the game, nobody is spilling the beans.

Blackburn River Tunnel Hazards

Posted by Roving Mick on April 1, 2023

Blackburn’s River Blakewater through the town centre became a magnet for illegal kayakers some years ago.

Many of these kayakers would try their luck following the course of Blackburn’s river as it flowed underneath our town centre.  This gave a new meaning to the term Whitewater kayaking.  It was more like Blakewater kayaking. 

To try and deter these kayakers, hundreds of gallons of seized beer was flushed down drains and into the brook.  This beer had been confiscated from some of the town’s shebeens.  These are illegal drinking clubs which are not licenced to sell alcohol products but do so anyway.  Licencing authorities are fighting an endless battle against these illegal drinking clubs.

It seems this beer was so badly made; it gave people rotgut and other ailments.  One man’s drink is another man’s poison, but in this case, it was every man’s and woman’s poison.  But for some reason this liquid was like nectar to midges which lived in the river tunnel.  For our local council it killed two birds with one stone.  Not only did it dispose of this illegal booze, it also created an explosion in the number of midges breeding in this tunnel.   It was enough to put off illegal kayakers from using this water course for their highly dangerous and unlawful sporting activities.

Unfortunately when you try to interfere with nature, not everything always goes to plan.  Due to this explosion in the midge population, it was decided a predator was needed to reduce their vast numbers.  This led to laboratory bats being introduced to feed on these tunnel midges.  Having bats in our River Blakewater tunnel also had by-products, such as their guano and a way of studying their radar.

One by-product which nobody wanted was what happened when these bats started feeding on the tunnel reared midges.  Their diet of rotgut beer affected the bats, causing them to mutate into aggressive blood sucking predators.  They started attacking kayakers passing through the tunnel, leaving grisly remains in the river.  Fortunately these didn’t last long in the water as mutant Piranha fish, also living in the river, disposed of any remains.

Due to well-known fears of this infamous fish, it wasn’t felt to be such a good idea informing the public a creature like this had somehow been introduced to the Blakewater.  It is thought Piranha fish were introduced to our town’s central river by accident.  Some tourists may have brought a few home, didn’t like them, so flushed them down their toilets.  A bit like what allegedly happened with alligators in New York City’s sewers.

Good news is kayakers seem to have been put off using Blackburn’s River Blakewater in pursuit of their sport.  A small matter of biting Midges, mutant Vampire Bats and Piranha Fish may have left them thinking they might end up the Suwannee without a paddle.

Blackburn Pubs DNA Boost

Posted by Roving Mick on March 1, 2023

Blackburn’s town centre pubs could be given a boost as one of a number of chosen places to receive a licence to collect DNA.

This followed success of the town’s Covid 19 vaccination programme, which was put down to Blackburn’s above average footfall in its town centre.  Now it is hoped to capitalise on this success by taking things a step further and collecting DNA for scientific study.

Blackburn people are no strangers to giving their data for analysis.  Rovers fans, along with home supporters, gave voluntary saliva swab samples some years ago when they were playing a match down at Chelsea.  Sample results indicated Chelsea fans were mainly descended from Normans while most Rovers fans who participated were descended from Vikings.

There was also the infamous June Anne Devaney murder case in Queens Park Hospital grounds, where the perpetrator was caught by mass fingerprinting many of Blackburn’s adult male population.  It was the first time this kind of exercise had been used to solve a murder in Great Britain.

Certain pubs in Blackburn town centre will roll out state of the art smart glass washers.  These have a dual action process of first collecting DNA from recently used glasses, then washing them in the usual way.  By the time these glass washer’s contents become clean and sparkling, their accumulated DNA fingerprints will have been biometrically recorded and sent off to their online databank through cyberspace for processing.

There have been questions raised about this form of personal information collection and its legal implications.  But it seems to have been going on for years.  We all leave traces of DNA  wherever we go and this is known as ‘Shed’ DNA.  It doesn’t come from a shed but is one of the most used terms for abandoned DNA.  Police and forensic teams collect it at crime scenes and elsewhere from discarded cigarette buts, plastic cups, cans, chocolate and sweet wrappers, the list goes on.

Therefore, it stands to reason when you go in a pub for a pint, you do so voluntarily.  You are then served a drink in a polygenic pint glass belonging to the hostelry you are in.  When you sup up, you discard your glass for collection and washing and you can’t help but leave your DNA all over the place.  This same rule can apply to near enough everywhere you go, including where you live.

There is expected to be an enormous demand for this kind of data.  Not only will law enforcement authorities be interested, but so will medical, insurance, dating and family ancestry organisations.  Mining this kind of data from public houses could be seen as appropriate due to quite a lot of the latter often being an end product of what is sold in a pub.  So it seems quite fitting for  this information to be gleaned from one of its primary sources.

Blackburn Gold Fever

Posted by Roving Mick on February 1, 2023

Few people in Blackburn realise where they live was once a centre of coal mining.  This was one reason why the Leeds Liverpool Canal was routed this way, connecting these latter large cities with mining towns such as Wigan, Burnley and our own Blackburn.

Due to the Industrial Revolution, coal was needed on a vast scale and this led to most of Blackburn’s mines being worked until their black gold was either exhausted or they became economically unprofitable.  It created a problem of what to do with these empty coal mines.  Some were able to become quarries, providing valuable building material to construct cotton mills and housing for our town’s expanding population.  But with so many redundant mines, various uses of them were put into place, including dumping building spoil and other waste material.  After all, out of sight, into mine.

Sadly during these changing times, many people became victims of this Industrial Revolution.  Death and disease were an occupational hazard, almost as a way of culling Britain’s expanding population when their usefulness had run its course.  Many people came and died in Blackburn.  Those who died of infectious diseases, such as fever, or could not be identified, were laid to rest in these redundant coal mines.  They became known as fever pits.

This seems a convenient solution, but nature is not as simple as that.  These bodies decomposed and returned to earth.  But not everything went back to nature so easily.  Due to these corpses’ reasons for expiring, no scavenging was allowed to be carried out because of a risk of catching and spreading fever and diseases.

Normally gold teeth would have been prised from corpses’ mouths, along with removal of rings, ear rings, chains etc.  This was not allowed in fever pits and gold items passed into the soil along with their hosts.  Gold, unlike other metals, does not corrode and can lay in the ground until it is eventually discovered by treasure hunters or metal detectorists.

One such fever pit was believed to have been in a redundant mine in Blackburn.  It was somewhere near what is now Shadsworth Industrial Estate.  But records have been lost over time pinpointing its exact location.  Local folklore tells of this particular mine being very difficult to work due to Knuzden Brook, which goes on to become the River Blakewater, causing subsidence and making it very dangerous for miners.  This led to its closure even though coal reserves were not totally exhausted.

Unconfirmed reports have been received recently of discoveries of gold in the Knuzden Brook.  This has not only led to an influx of metal detectorists, but gold panners too, although permission needs to be granted before treasure hunting is permitted.  We might find ourselves in a situation where Blackburn could be a new Klondike.  After all, both the Klondike River and Knuzden Brook both begin with the letter K, as in knife.

It would be strange if one form of fever could lead to another – here in Blackburn.  This might create a situation of Fever Pit to Gold Fever.

Blackburn Cathedral Claimed By Samplers

Posted by Roving Mick on January 1, 2023

An ancient order of monks is claiming ownership of Blackburn Cathedral.

Members of the Order of Samplers claim Blackburn Cathedral was promised to them as reward for saving lives of many Kings and Queens of medieval England.

This order was founded around a similar time as their more famous fellow monks, the Knights Templar.  This latter order were fighting monks who made their name during the Crusades and accumulated vast amounts of wealth.  This made them fall foul of ruling religious elites in Europe and they were eventually imprisoned, executed and had their wealth confiscated, or so history states.

Samplers on the other hand were seen as friendly beer brewing monks.  They spent their time in monasteries brewing beer for other monks and nuns and local people who inhabited areas where they were based.  Unlike Templars, Samplers were very popular with everybody, including both royal and religious elites.

What particularly ingratiated them with these ruling elites was their uncanny knack of being able to distinguish between beer and wine which was safe to drink, or whether it had been poisoned.  This was where their name came from.  It was said many Kings, Bishops and Lords of the Manor had been saved by Samplers.

During those turbulent times of King Henry VIII, it is believed his Samplers really had their work cut out tasting beer and wine served to England’s most recognisable monarch.  Henry was extremely pleased with this service they provided him, especially with them helping to keep him alive.  So when it came round to his Dissolution of the Monasteries Act, Henry promised them they would not be evicted from any of their residences.

It seems one of their residences may have been the old parish church upon what now stands present day Blackburn Cathedral.  It is possible with Samplers being an order of Black Friars, based on land next to the black burn, very handy for washing their dirty habits, this may be one of the sources from where our town’s name originates.

Now it seems this ancient monastic order has appeared from the depths of time, claiming what they say is rightfully theirs.  Unfortunately for the Samplers, all records of their order were destroyed when Blackburn’s townsfolk supported Oliver Cromwell during the English Civil War.

Sadly for Blackburn’s Samplers, it was said they kept sparse records and these were very limited due to their historian enjoying produce of the grape and the grain, which they brewed, far too much.  He wasn’t very good at spelling either.  He said their address was Blackburn’s Church of the Naivety.  This made people think he lived up to his order’s name way beyond his remit.

But in these changing secular times, were religious belief and influence is diminishing, perhaps today’s Church of England may be open to accommodating their former occupants somewhere within their Blackburn site.  It would be nice to see a brewery return to our town centre and start brewing beer once more.  It could become a major tourist attraction, giving us all a chance to become samplers.

Blackburn Clothing Waste Idea Won’t Be Mothballed

Posted by Roving Mick on December 1, 2022

A recent BBC Countryfile programme featured flax growing in Blackburn and production of linen being spun from this homegrown product.

Unfortunately due to an air of excitement following the success of their project, the makers of this programme failed to discuss what should be done to dispose of clothing replaced by this new linen alternative.  A suggestion has been put forward to use an unusual but organic method of disposing of unusable and spoilt clothing material – feed it to the butterfly of the night – our humble clothing moth.

Adult moths themselves don’t actually feed on your gear; they haven’t got mouthparts.  It’s Junior, i.e. their larvae who does all the munching – they do have this necessary equipment.  They gain nutrients from natural and animal fibres, being particularly attracted to moist and dirty clothes, so should have no difficulty finding plenty of material in lots of households.  They also like dark and undisturbed areas, so what better environment could you find than a wardrobe?

This endless battle between humans and moths has been raging for thousands of years.  Shakespeare tells us that:

‘All the wool that Penelope spun in Ulysses’ absence did but fill Ithaca full of moths’.

So you can imagine what kind of state his clothing was in Ulysses’ wardrobe when he returned home twenty years after fighting this war in Troy and his subsequent trip home, known as the Odyssey.  All for Helen – the face that launched a million moths!

After the Ancient Greeks, it is possible their conquerors and ours too, the Romans, may have brought clothes moths to our shores.  Not everything the Romans did for us was beneficial – although we did end up with a textile industry, which might have helped the situation.  But clothing moths soon got stuck into King Cotton.  This led to a continuing war which continues to this day.  Every form of technology, including chemical and biological warfare has been used to outwit our destructive clothing moth enemies.

There are around 2,500 species of moth found in Britain.  But only two, the common clothes moth (also known as the webbing clothes moth) and the Case-bearing clothes moth, cause damage to fabrics.  Most of us know all about what it’s like to come across moths living in our wardrobes.  There is nothing worse than digging out your best suit for some one-off function only to find big holes in its fabric, thanks to moths having made a meal out of it.

Now we have a chance to utilise these moth’s voracious appetite as a natural way of clothing waste disposal.  It’s about time these little blighters started earning their keep for a change.

Rovers Ventriloquist Hypnotised By Own Dummy

Posted by Roving Mick on November 1, 2022

Many years ago Blackburn Rovers gave a job to a coach who had been brought up in a travelling circus.  Like all circus children, he picked up many of those performing skills associated with this profession.  These included flying trapeze, tight rope walking, juggling and even being a clown.  But our former coach was also a master of other less physical arts, but no less skilful –  ventriloquism and hypnotism.

After a decent career as a professional footballer, management beckoned.  This is where he really could have come into his own, thanks to his circus skills.  It is often said every manager walks a tightrope.  But in the case of most football managers, there are no safety nets, just a sack.  Our coach started off by being put in charge of our youth and academy teams.  Almost immediately he found this could be a poisoned chalice.

He found a unique way of solving those problems of capturing the attention of this demanding audience.  A room full of Rovers youngsters thought something strange was going on when their coach brought a suitcase in with him and took out a ventriloquist’s dummy.  He put his hand inside it and started opening its mouth and rolling it’s eyes around.  By now the room had gone quiet and all eyes were turned on this dummy and its handler.

The trick for our coach was to hypnotise his dummy.  But it had been a long time since he worked with his wooden friend.  He ended up putting himself into a trance and being hypnotised by his own dummy.  We also had a strange situation where every child in the room was also briefly hypnotised by this dummy.  Eventually everybody woke up from their shared trance.  It was like they had all lost half an hour from their lives, nobody could remember what had happened before, during or after their trance.

Things were even worse for the man who was supposed to be in charge.  This hypnotic trance appeared to have done some kind of temporary psychological damage to him.  He seemed to be more worried about the lads losing their kit and equipment from this training session.  He tried to reassure them that he had saved their equipment and kept muttering:

“I got all the gear, I got all the gear, I got all the gear”.

After this incident our football club dispensed with his services and he was never seen again.  At least there were no lasting effects on these young players.  Many of them went on to become successful footballers in their own right.

As for our former coach, things didn’t turn out so badly for him either.  He landed on his feet after mesmerising a rich and beautiful celebrity actress who was more than half his age.  The media couldn’t understand what she saw in him.  But he said his powers of hypnosis didn’t always let him down.