There’s Gold In Them Thar Teeth
Former Captain Kirk actor, William Shatner, recently sold his own kidney stone following an operation. It raised £14,000 for charity. This came after news of an attempt to steal the bones of veteran journalist, Alistair Cooke. So there seems to be an insatiable demand for celebrity body parts.
Alistair Cooke’s ‘Letter from America’ was the world’s longest running radio programme. He died two years ago of cancer. His family thought they had cremated his body. Now they have been told body snatchers allegedly surgically removed his bones and sold them for more than $7,000 (£4,000) to a company supplying parts for use in dental implants and various orthopaedic procedures.
This grisly news has prompted Blackburn Rovers to look into what could be a lucrative side-line. It also puts a new slant on the term ‘getting their pound of flesh’. This is because players have operations all the time. Surgical removal of muscle, cartilage, teeth and bits of bone are all part of the beautiful game. There’s even talk of selling used bathwater from some of the more memorable wins from our current season. What better souvenir could you have than a bottle of soiled water used to wash the blood sweat and mud from an afternoon’s gutsy heroics at Ewood Park?
There could be some collectable body items too. Ghoulish Rovers fans could be looking for Nelsen’s eye. Andy Todd’s elbow. Bellamy’s tongue. Savage’s scalp and, dare we say the word Dickov? Bodily parts from past players could also become much sought-after artefacts. How about Bob Crompton’s moustache, Colin Hendry’s backside, or Simon Garner’s tooth? The list is endless.
The only problem is disappointed souvenir collectors may start scouring the nearest grave yard if they get no joy at Brockhall. Now we know why they don’t want to build a new cemetery near Langho. Graves could be robbed by fans who then say they picked up the parts from the Rovers Physio room. So if someone asks where they can buy a set of spare ribs in Brockhall Village – be careful. But there is good news for the footballers though. At least nobody will want to steal their brains.